So, before going to Paul's this morning I sat down on my bed, put my phone on speaker and listened to the last voicemail.
It wasn't what I thought it would be. I hadn't listened to it previously because I'd expected it to be angry, or hostile, or ... something unpleasant. It was an ordinary message where he started off, "Erin... It's Tuesday at X time..." and on into the message. He sounded 99% normal, his normal speech pattern, I just didn't really know what he was referring to. He even said in it that it was no biggie and that we would talk about it at another time. I feel confident in saying that we didn't. (That week, last year, I had found a small bottle of hair spray in his refridgerator and was working very hard to get him to go to the doctor.) I believe that he was using an incorrect word although I really don't want to characterize it that way. In Alzheimers, people can substitute one word for another as though they are synonyms, but they may not be. In the message, he repeatedly advised me to watch for "debts" coming in the mail because the company they were coming from was doing things differently. I believe he meant bills. Whatevs. No judgment.
Dear Brother was not home for this so I sent him a text about it. When we get together to record it, I need to explain the context so he doesn't think it's about my debt from last year. Context is so important.
Anyway. I listened to it, felt satisfied when it was over, appreciate it, and after it's recorded I'm going to delete it. I don't feel stressed now. The last four days have been rough. I'm going to attempt to relax again.
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