Laggard

Now I get the obsession with the holidays and grieving.

I haven't done any decorating or any shopping.  It's not that I don't feel like it; I actually want to wrap the banister with Christmas lights tonight.  The idea of having people over to celebrate sounds good.  I guess I am waiting for the motivation to arrive.  Usually, during years when no one has died, the spirit arrives somewhere during the week of the 25th.  That's not going to work this year.

I feel the need to decorate the house for the housemate, even though he himself may not be all that interested either.  I feel I should take the reigns and tap into the domestic engineer that I know lurks somewhere deep inside me.  It's not even that I want someone else to do the dirty work.  I feel the inkling of industry!  I just... haven't felt it strongly enough to get moving.  Is it the grief?

 I feel the urge to put the posterboard of photographs... somewhere else.  Where would we put it?  I feel we should clean out his office.  Where will we put his degrees?  My better half suggested on the walls of the cubby downstairs.  Nobody will see them there; I'm not sure what I think.  Maybe if we ever clean out one of the bedrooms, we can put them on the walls in there.

I seem to be tiptoeing toward moving on, although that's also so laughable. Baby steps.