Uh huh, uh huh.. I smell it

Had an enjoyable, somewhat lengthy convo with T about mom, the $1 for $25 story, his early life -- funny stories about him, family.... All over the place... Our individual memories about time with both parents, etc... It was enjoyable.. Then at some point i detected the emotional busy signal from him.. Not awful, but I detected a slight, slight wavering on his part toward cosmic shutoff. I stopped while I was ahead and let him go to bed. About 20ish minutes passed before I detected the skunkweed wafting through my bedroom vent. Uh huh... Unmistakable.

In other news I have not been back to Alanon. I.. should go again. It's good to have supports. I need to get all my supports in place already. Slipping into complacency.

Good Week, Better Week

So the holiday is creeping up.  I finally pulled myself together enough to get some shopping done.  I do feel I got suckered at one store.  I was so proud of myself for shopping around and not buying the first thing that met my criteria, but then I misread a sign and bought something that was almost double what I was expecting.  I think that's an old retailer trick, placing two nearly identical things right next to each other and duping people into buying the more expensive of the two.  I was buying bedsheets and the one on sale was 210 threadcount, but the one I bought was 300.  I stood in front of the sign for several minutes after my purchase to figure out why I'd just paid nearly double.  Of course the differentiating font was like 8 pt.  I'm probably going to end up returning it and getting my boyfriend a couple of massages instead.  That's what I'm sure he would appreciate more anyway.  Men aren't too picky about bedsheets.

It's been a wistful week.  I desperately miss my father.  I am reflecting much more often about the last week after Christmas 2009, so aware that all the trouble in the world followed that banking mistake.  I feel that my great meltdown is in front of me.  I have had some twinges.  I probably need a therapist.  I guess I am feeling survivor's guilt.  My dad eventually recovered enough, probably due to the medication, that we were able to discuss the situation with him. I think that is very healing for all of us, me especially, but I just agonize .... I just miss my dad. 

In any case, I am off of work from Dec. 23-Jan. 3rd.  My boyfriend goes to Costa Rica Jan. 5th for a weeklong vacay with guys from work.  I think the next two weeks will be a good time for mourning.

I have reopened a last.fm account and am getting an alt/indie/Britpop fix.  It is lovely.  Just what the doc ordered at 2 am.  I had forgotten about the healing power of music.  Listening to Franz Ferdinand's "This Fire."  This beats drinking by eons.